Over the boundary


Although people who are polyamorous have adopt...Image via Wikipedia

I got hit on the other day by a polyamorous woman. For those unfamiliar with the term it's basically someone who is open to having multiple partners. To have a polyamorous relationship is to feel free to follow those desires, just as your partner(s) will. It's not for me, but it is interesting and increasingly common.

This woman was interesting, fun, reasonably attractive and seemingly perfectly normal but for this small quirk. And married. I'm not interested in a polyamorous relationship, but another time I'd probably have been quite keen to know her better.

Funny thing is I'd be more inclined to have an illicit relationship with her behind his back rather than with her husbands full knowledge and approval. To have him complicit in anything we might get up to feels odd, and to my no doubt old fashioned frame of reference somewhat wrong. I would feel strange and uncomfortable. There is a sense that I might feel used as well, which doesn't make sense.

I'm not judging it: it's just not my thing. I had a friend who indulged in it for a while, but it was easy for him. Let's face it single men are polyamorous by nature. It's not a huge leap and given the simplicity of single life something I've been guilty of. I've been the other man too, and didn't give much consideration to that. I have an open minded and acquisitive attitude towards sex and sexual relationships. Yet to get it on with someone with their partners consent while they go off and do something similar is a step too far for me.

In this case I'm not sure what she was fitting me up for, but I can only presume there was an amorous aspect to it. I haven't closed the door on her – she is interesting and worth knowing – but I figure the best we can manage is friendship. There have to be some boundaries.

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