How I feel these days

It’s about time I gave an update on my health, as things are changing.

Yesterday I experienced only minor pain – more an awareness. The congestion I’ve had for months on end is also much better than it has been and feels as if it might clear up at some time in the indeterminate future – which is the first time I’ve thought that for a long time. My mouth was better too – still some swelling, but at the low end until later in the day.

All that sounds good, except I felt shithouse for most of the day.

Perhaps I need to define what I mean by pain. For me, pain is a sharp, irregular experience. I’ve experienced it across these many months in the form of headaches and head pain, in sore and aching parts – eye socket, eye, ear, etc, and the sharp pain induced by what’s happening in my mouth. Much of that I can only guess at, though I can conjecture that a shifting plate causes much of it (I think a corner of it has caused a small bump under my eye), the incessant scar tissue, and the unhealed flesh – as well as the pain when I try and open my mouth too far, and the sharp pain occasionally within the swelling (I’m sure it’s caused by an aggravation by either the formwork inserted in my mouth or scar tissue or both).

When I say I felt shithouse yesterday, it was more of a feeling as if I had a bad cold, making my body sore and weary, and my head distant. I felt pretty zonked out, something I’d have attributed to medication previously – but I’ve not taken anything more than paracetamol since Saturday. It may be there are still some of the serious painkillers in my system, in which case I’ll know within a few days as they leach out of me.

Today is similar. I feel a bit out of it still. New for me is a mild case of nausea. My ears ring, but that’s not unusual. My face feels lopsided and swollen, but that’s not unusual either. I’m weary, ditto. There’s no real pain and the swelling in my mouth is as minor as it gets – generally, it will get worse as the day goes on. I expect today will be very similar to yesterday.

I see the surgeons on Thursday. I’m hoping that’s the moment of truth and they will have the answers to fix me up properly, once and for all. Hard as it is sometimes, I don’t think I’m far away from being right. If we can just get these few things right…

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