State of play: week 3

It’s Saturday, and I’ve spent practically the whole morning dozing in bed. It was easy and probably quite pleasant, and I could probably spend the afternoon doing the same. It would be nice in a way. You close your eyes, and you’re out of it. It goes to show where I’m at when I can do it so easily, though I’m not sure if it’s a great idea.

I don’t know if there is some medical basis or some WASP-ish ethic, but it doesn’t sit right with me to be so inactive. It feels too passive, and I can’t help but believe that getting up and doing things is much healthier for both body and mind.

It’s been a funny sort of week. At one stage, I was feeling pretty awful and had real concerns about how I would manage with 4 weeks of treatment still to come. At that point, the first mouth ulcers had appeared on the back half of my tongue, and it was becoming increasingly painful to swallow. On top of that, the taste in my mouth and when I’m eating is just this side of intolerable. It got drastically worse last week, and I think part of it is leakage from the pack in my cheek. It coats my tongue with a gooey film so that I can taste it even when I’m not eating anything.

None of that has changed in the days since, but I sense I’ve picked up in other parts of my body. For the first time since getting out of hospital, I went for a walk to the shops. My hip is still imperfect but clearly improved, and I sense that the healing resources that were locked away working on my other wounds have become free to replenish me elsewhere. I’m losing weight but, for the moment, getting stronger.

I still feel pretty shit, and odds on it will get a lot worse than this. I’m ready for another week of it, though, even if it includes chemo, as next week does. I may be telling a different story next week.

In a couple of hours, I’m getting my hair cut. I ran a poll on Facebook to determine what sort of haircut I should get. There was no clear outcome, and what I’ve decided is to get a mullet this week and have it cut down to a mohawk next week. In 6-8 weeks, hopefully, I can fix the damage and get a relatively normal cut once I’m on the improve.

This is all a bit of fun in the meantime. Cheeseboy will be doing the cutting, so I could end up with anything. He’s threatening to use the whipper-snipper on me.

There’s something else I haven’t made mention of. I’ve been on unpaid leave the last couple of months, and things had become tight. My rent was due last Monday, and I was well short of it. So Mrs. Cheeseboy did a ring around and managed to secure almost a grand in donations from mutual friends. I was blown away – embarrassed as well as humbled.

I still feel a bit funny about it, but know that’s my problem. I’m very grateful and know how lucky I am.

In about a month, the insurance money starts coming through. Until then, I just need to scrape through.

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