I’m back taking painkillers again, though it’s not anything to be concerned about.
The operation on my hip and groin left much of the area numb and immobile, from my waist to my knee on the right side. That has gradually reduced in extent, which enabled greater mobility. It’s now reduced further, and some feeling has returned, including pain. The scars have healed, and no dressings are required now, but I feel a general ache with occasional sharp pain, gone before I know it.
The mountain of food I’ve been eating is finally having an impact also, to the point where I wonder if I’ve regained some weight.
For some reason, most of the weight I lost was from my legs and (now) boney arse – perhaps because I wasn’t using them? I also lost the love handles, but now I’ve developed a modest belly.
It feels as if all the food I’ve consumed has quietly worked at knitting my damaged body back together again. It’s taken a little while, but I’m stronger now, and it feels as if the systems that govern my health and wellbeing have stabilised. Long way to go yet, but the signs are good.
I still feel as if my head is thick – swollen, congested, misshapen, and generally out of whack. My vision is slightly impaired out of this, particularly when reading. All of this made me feel somewhat out of it post-surgery, and though I’m much more with it now, there are limitations.
I find it a lot easier to receive information than process it. It’s not that I’m incapable of it – I can string ideas and thoughts together, as you see here. It’s more a matter of energy. Most of the small reserves of energy go towards managing the daily tasks needed to get by. If someone asked me to do some work, I reckon I’d be exhausted within 10 minutes. I used to write, but I have no inspiration now. It affects my reading even, which I now do in short bursts (I’m listening to many audiobooks, which is easier).
I hasten to add, it’s made no difference to my interest in things or passion – just in my ability to follow up on them.
All this will pass, though I don’t know when. The swelling looks likely to be an issue for months to come, and with that, my vision will likely remain impaired. I can’t expect any great clarity to return while I’m undergoing treatment. For now, my focus is the physical and becoming more capable whilst replenishing my strength in anticipation of the gruelling treatment to come.
Get through that, and there’s an open road before me.