Battling the Orcs

I’m a bit nauseous the last couple of days, and have an awful chemical taste in my mouth, both of which indicate that all the painkillers I’ve been taking are fucking with my stomach now also. And there are other symptoms of that.

I’ve not had much appetite through this, which is no surprise. My appetite is even worse now that every mouthful is tainted. The last few nights, I’ve had soup for dinner with some bread. I figure I need to eat more to be healthy and absorb some of the excesses from the medication. If there’s a bonus in this, it seems I’ve lost a few kilos. But I don’t have a lot of energy, and my immune system could probably do with a boost.

Something else I’ve done is reduce my dosage of painkillers by half. Customarily, I’d take two of whatever painkiller was in my hand. They might be effective for 4-5 hours, then I’d take the next lot. Lately, I’ve been taking one going to bed and needing to take more midway through the night when I wake. Way too much, and no wonder I can taste them.

Instead of two, I’m taking one now. My experience is that it doesn’t make it any less effective, it reduces the effectiveness period. I figure I’m ahead, though, if I can reduce the dosage from 2 every 4-5 hours to one every 3-4 hours. I’m trying to stretch that too, prepared to take on a bit of pain.

Generally speaking, I need to clean out my system, particularly the Palexia, which I’ve stopped taking altogether. The theory is I should start feeling a bit brighter while containing the pain, and I’ll know it’s working when the taste is gone from my mouth.

I was in bed last night a little after nine. I don’t have a lot of juice in me, and sleep is a blessed relief when it’s good.

Last night my sleep felt broken, but I had an epic dream running the whole night—very Lord of the Rings.

The analog here is that instead of battling this ailment, I was battling Orcs or some such. I was a mighty and ruthless warrior fighting a rearguard action against overwhelming forces. I was being beaten back but inflicting a lot of damage. I took joy in that, and the enemy was terrified of me.

I felt supreme. This was what I was made for, and no matter the odds, I felt the longer I hung in there, the more likely victory would be mine. Anyway, it was better to go out swinging.

This infected my waking moments. I felt the pain creep up on me, but I refused to give in to it. On the table beside me was a glass of water and a painkiller, but I delayed as long as I could before taking it. Then I took a Strepsil. They’re surprisingly effective as a temporary anaesthetic, and I learnt a trick last night. I pushed a half-sucked Strepsil between my cheek and the pain in my gum and left it there. For hours, it seemed, it effectively numbed the pain.

Today, I haven’t taken a painkiller yet. It’s coming up on midday. I’ll track things, but if I need to, I’ll take one with lunch.

Earlier, I had coffee and a pastry with Cheeseboy, but I haven’t got the stamina for our usual walk. Hopefully, next week.

It feels better to be proactive, though I still feel drained. I’ve realised that I can’t rely on medical science to look after me. I know my body, I know what I’m feeling, and if no one else will guide me, then I must take the lead myself.

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