I reckon I suffer more from Mondayitus now I’m working from home than I did when I had to get up early and catch a train to work. I think what gets me is that it seems pointless and empty early on a Monday morning. And perhaps, given we’re in lockdown, the knowledge that the cycle is about to repeat again, and to no obvious end. It’s a variation on Nietzsche’s eternal recurrence.
Today, it was less problematic from recent weeks when it’s been tough, but I still had to wonder why? The answer to which is – what else am I going to do? That sums it up pretty neatly.
If anything, my discontent was centred on other things.
We got the COVID plan yesterday and it added up if, like me, you’re more rationally and scientifically inclined. I could understand the logic ad the guidelines, some of which appeared self-evident, and so I would support it. Still, it had a deadening effect knowing that it would be a while yet until we enjoyed customary freedoms.
On top of that, in the afternoon, my footy team put in such a dire effort that I began to feel it. I got angry. Here I am, stuck in lockdown with few pleasures, and I settle down and have to put up with an uncommitted effort. It felt lazy and indulgent and selfish and, I thought, how dare they? That’s a conversation for another time, but I can safely say it was the last thing I needed.
There is one other aspect. I’m really quite combative and resilient by nature. I’m on the front foot generally by inclination. But I’ve found myself ground down over this journey by the negativity of others, the bitching, the moaning, the criticism and complaints. I’ve taken to muting people in my Facebook feed and do my best to ignore provocation elsewhere. But you can’t escape it when, within minutes yesterday, the state opposition leader begins his usual whine, and then the federal government put out their standard, politically charged and graceless response. Then there’re people carping about the most irrelevant of details, and others complaining it’s not clear enough for them, and you just want to scream.
I say all this knowing that almost all this noise comes external to the state, or from a rowdy one or two per cent within. As I said yesterday, most of us are supportive, but it’s oh so frustrating – and draining! – to have to listen to what is generally self-indulgent twaddle. This is hard enough as is. We’re doing our best to hang in there and stay strong and it feels like our efforts are being undermined. Don’t they understand our greatest strength is our unity? Most of us do.
I find that increasingly hard to deal with. I despise our federal ministers – Hunt and Frydenburg and Morrison – more than ever, and I’m happy for the imbecile libertarians to be locked up. Normally I’m all for independence and individual human rights, but now is the time when the rights of the many are more important.
All this chips away at you. That’s how it feels. I can be strong for a long time, but not when I’ve got someone at my back seeking to unbalance me at every step.