Hazy days and little things

It’s a smoky, hazy morning again today, the horizons closed in and everything appearing as if through gauze. There in the sky was the moon, full and round, slightly tinted but with a glow as if a hole had been punched through the haze. All of it is odd, otherworldly, as if we have landed on a foreign planet.

I’m surprised the poor air hasn’t affected me more adversely. I’m someone prone to a chest infection without obvious cause. I have a permanent supply of antibiotics on hand to manage the cough when it rears up. It hasn’t reared up, though.

I’m thankful at that as well as surprised. There are many others not nearly so lucky, and there’ve even been deaths reported. We might get rain on Thursday, but until then we’re stuck with it.

I had a friend tell me yesterday that he’d been filled with an anger of ‘unknown origin’. I knew the feeling, and my explanation for it is the sense of helplessness in the face of one awful thing after another. It’s a form of frustration, and I don’t think it’s uncommon these days.

I’m out of sorts myself right now, though it’s different to what he describes. I feel deflated. These days it’s not uncommon, though I’ve been better in recent times. It takes so little to set it off. Yesterday it was the smallest incident, a little unpleasantness. Actually, not even that. A disappointment. But then it’s enough to let all the air out of me. Characteristically, I lose interest in things about me. I don’t want to engage.

That was yesterday, and I feel it still today. It will fade, or some counter-balancing thing will happen to bring me back to normal.

There’s no real reason to feel this way. I finished my book on Sunday, and I’m not searching for an agent and publisher to get it published. To be fair, there is an anti-climactic sense when you’ve wrapped it all up. You think, is that it? And – always – you think of all the ways it can be better (even if nothing definite comes to mind).

Then yesterday I caught up with two of my staff from when I had the massage shop. Jeep was visiting from Thailand, where she’d recently returned. With her was Pat. Both were great stalwarts when I had the shop and very decent people. I’m always very happy to see them.

Jeep bought me lunch, as she insists every time. She’s a person of great loyalty and proprietary. She’s in contact with me every month or so seeking help with her CV or a job application or dealing with a government department and, once, to assist in getting money out of someone who owed it to her. She’s very grateful, and so she buys me lunch when she can, and even called me her best friend yesterday – though not in the conventional sense.

For my part, I’m happy to support her – and any of them – in any way I can. It was a tough time, but they were titans. I owe them a lot.

It was lovely seeing them. We had a lot of laughs, and Jeep has made me promise to look her up if I get to Bangkok. I think we’re friends for life.

There is much to grateful for, if only you remember.

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