To rationalise, or not to rationalise

It’s human nature to rationalise things away, and sometimes that’s fair enough. Small things sometimes are just small things. But then there are occasions when the right thing to do is to face up squarely to whatever it is, small or big. Sometimes, you don’t want to wish things away.

I was at the point earlier this week when I was ready to dismiss as an aberration the small medical episode I had recently. It was a bit of a storm in a teacup, I thought, a false alarm. I was feeling okay, after all, and there’d been nothing like this before, and nothing since. I rationalised it, but with logic. I’d been crook with a virus or a bug or something when this thing happened. That was the trigger, I figured, a false flag.

Even still, I think that was a reasonable interpretation, and I don’t know yet that it’s false. It may well be I was on the money in rationalising it in that way – but it’s less likely now than it was midweek. Right at this moment, it seems apparent there was more to it than I presumed.

To recap, I saw the doctor on Monday. She was concerned and sent me off for some tests. I had an EKG which, I gather, was normal. As I have a million times before I had a blood test and gave a urine sample. And I’m scheduled for another test Monday and to be fitted with a heart monitor.

Yesterday I got a call from the medical practice I went to. The results of my tests had come through. They couldn’t tell me what they were, but they asked that I come in as soon as possible. I have an appointment on Monday.

I think it’s fair to suggest that if there were nothing to see, then they would let me know over the phone and there would be no need to see the doctor. Ergo, the results came up with something.

It’s at this point it’s natural that you begin to speculate. I’m not the emotional type, and I approach things pretty rationally. The balance of probability is that whatever it is they found it’s more likely to be minor than major. And, given that it’s testing on my blood and urine that have prompted this it’s unlikely it’s directly related to my heart. That may be symptomatic, or it might be completely unrelated. Whatever it is they’ve found it’s more likely to be systemic or viral.

That doesn’t help me a lot. I’m not a doctor, and at this point, speculation becomes pointless. I won’t know until I see the doctor.

I’ve Monday off again, the third Monday in a row for me. I’m hoping whatever it is it can be quickly resolved because there are things I’ve got to do. Anything more serious would be badly timed. I’m about to get a new job, I think, and I’ve got my eyes on another place to move into, dependent on that job. I’m guessing that I’ll be medicated and put on a program. It could be just that small thing I referred to. Let’s see if I’m right.

Update: I write this on Monday after attending my appointments. First thing I’d to do is to apologise to anyone who saw me sloping around in my tracksuit pants this morning. Normally, I wouldn’t be seen in public in such garb, but I was told to come to the specialist this morning in loose and comfortable clothing. I had about ten minutes on a treadmill there while they measured and scanned me, the upshot being my heart was healthy. I was fitted with a heart monitor (which I’m wearing now), just to pick up any anomalies. I’ll be amazed if any are discovered.

After that I visited my Doc. Nothing serious there either. Some of the test results were elevated or outside the ideal. None of them by themselves is anything to be alarmed at, but taken together they suggest I need to modify parts of my life – just as I anticipated. My liver results weren’t great, my cholesterol was a little more than ideal, and my vitamin D levels were quite low. There were a few other things. Bottom line is that I should live a bit healthier. I already knew this, and had taken some steps towards achieving that.

I don’t drink a whole lot, but I shared a bottle of red with JV on Friday. That’s okay for a change but don’t want to get in the habit. I go most days without a drink so I should manage that. It’s harder cutting down on dairy, of which I’m a big consumer, particularly cheese. Make a treat rather than a staple, she said. That seems a general rule of thumb. More lean meat, more leafy greens, less fat, manage the carbs. For someone who loves his food, who loves to cook, and who is particularly fond of rich, hearty foods, tough stuff. But, knew it was coming.

Part of getting old, I guess.

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