So I return to work on Monday and I’m heading out for my morning coffee at around 9am and as I’m going in I run into the Digital Marketing manager as he’s coming in. We get on well, we closely on a few things, and generally have similar opinions on the organisation. We greet each other and he says: “did you see the job I posted?”

There was a position advertised internally for a BA/PM working in the digital team. I checked it out but it specified some technical requirements which I had no specific experience with. I’d actually suggested it to my offsider as something he might be interested in. He was, but he didn’t.

So, after the manager spoke to me I checked it out again. He’d urged me to apply for it. He told me I’d be working with him, as if that had always been the plan. Lot more money, he said, and waived off my hesitation over the experience I didn’t have. When I checked out the PD I found it a better fit than I’d first presumed. Sure, I didn’t have experience with Drupal (which is pretty basic anyway), but I had all this relevant job experience which few others here could match. So, I sent in an application.

Applications close today. I guess I’ll hear something next week. I haven’t spoken to the manager since as he’s in Brisbane, and while it’s encouraging I’ve learned that this is not a place to presume anything. I’ve been disappointed before.

Ideally, I’d like to get out of this organisation altogether, but more than anything I want to get away from the present management, which is uninspired and barely competent. I have a strong suspicion that I am being deliberately sidelined and denied opportunities. It’s routine that I’m kept in the dark about activities pertinent to my role, and things that should belong to me are given to others. I’ve made reference previously about being left out of invitations to events I’m entitled to attend, and it’s happened again this week.

Another situation has come to light which isn’t surprising, but goes a long way towards confirming my suspicions.

About two years ago I put together a detailed proposal for a new function. I was told at the time they didn’t have the resources for it, but a year ago they actually created the function, though (typically) without any reference to me. In fact I wasn’t even made aware of this (typically, once more), until the person given responsibility for it had to come to me with questions and to get a copy of one of the design docs I’d created.

Ultimately it was implemented in a half-arsed way (trademark here), and at no point was it acknowledged that this was my (very comprehensive) idea. I don’t know if someone else sought to take the credit as one of their KPIs, but it was clearly deliberate that I was left out of it.

One of the consequences of this is that when I do things now I’m careful about how I manage it. I’m more inclined these days to hand off these ideas to those I can trust. That means I get no credit for these things, but it also means I have a measure of control working in the background prompting and refining and striving to get it just right. I’m always more interested in getting the job right than I am in due credit. In fact, it’s not about the credit denied – I’m paid to do this, after all – the issue is others claiming credit that’s not rightly theirs.

There was another function I conceived of maybe 18 months ago. Once more, as is my way, I consulted widely and documented it in detail. As time has gone on I’ve fleshed out the function, and role, more completely, and been a strident champion for the role. There’s been a desperate need for this function but I’ve been told all along there’s no budget for it until the next financial year – basically the week after next.

Outside of the department there’ve been advocates for me running that show when it happens, but it’s very clear that’s never going to be the case – regardless that, once more, it’s my conception, that no-one has a better understanding of the requirements and actual detail, and that, informally, I’m doing much of it now.

For the last six months my manager has effectively been hedging that role against me. Today I learned that for the last six months that she’s been urging it onto my offsider, who is much more user friendly than me – but who has nothing to do with anything to do with it presently.

There’s been a problem with my manager for a while. I think she’s a terrible leader and average manager. She does some things well, but other things she’s deplorable at. One of my biggest issues with her is ethical. It’s my belief that your manager should be an advocate for you, but I suspect just the opposite in my case. I think a part of it is purely political – she’ll always do what is best for her, which is very common around here. I also think she’s wary of my capabilities and for that reason tries to keep me in a box – that’s why I’m kept in the dark, why she prefers others, why she’s careful to deny me credit. I think she sees me as a threat, which I’m not. I actually believe she bad-mouths me to others.

I’m aware this makes me sound paranoid, but there have been so many instances over an extended period that there has to be some explanation for it. I actually reported it to HR at one point, to get it on the record, though I would never make anything formal of it.

The reality of this is that if they turned around and actually offered me this role I’d have to think twice about accepting it. If I’m to be stuck in this area I’d be better off with it, but what I need really is to get out of this toxic environment. Like I said, I think this is one reason I’ve been crook.

So, if I can’t get a job outside the joint then anywhere is better than here, and the job I’ve applied for is one a different floor sitting just outside the CEO’s office reporting to someone different and working with a different bunch of people. There’s plenty I rate down here and like, but it’s an unprofessional environment and I want to be in a place where my work is properly valued and understood. I reckon my peace of mind would go through the roof.

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