Had a vendor I’m working with take me out to lunch yesterday, a rare treat in recent years. A couple of hours later and a couple of bottles of tempranillo I was back in the office a tad more expansive than I left it.

I got to talking with one of the guys I’ve been friendly with from day one. Soon after we started chatting he asked me if everything was alright. I was taken aback and asked him what prompted the question. You just seem a bit different lately, he said. Quieter. Less vibrant.

Of course, as soon as he said that it made sense, but it made me think. It’s no surprise that I’ve been different – I know I’ve been different – but I didn’t know how much people had noticed that. I think you tend to underplay what people observe of you – unless you’re neurotic of course, in which case you overplay it. I’m not neurotic though and generally think I get away with it, more or less. But maybe not, it seems.

It’s probably more pronounced with him because I’ve known him longest and we have a particular relationship. With him I tend to fall into the persona I might describe as the sardonic raconteur. He’s always got an answer, always a comeback, always confidently provocative. I guess he could be seen as being a vibrant and distinct personality, so it makes sense when I’m not him – and I haven’t been – that it gets noticed.

Not sure what to think about it. Not too worried, actually. Working through it and things will be up sometimes and sometimes down, but I think I’m on the right track.

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