Letting it go

Back at work and as energetic and curious as ever. I sit at my desk tired of the view and feeling stale in general, but muscle memory is such that I remain proactive and enterprising.

One thing I’ve done is a bit of a clean-out. Generally, my desk is a bit of a mess, indicative of the variety of things I’m working on over a period. Today I sorted it all out, either filing the bits and pieces away, disposing of them, or handing them off to someone else. The handing off is the most significant gesture.

Some of the things I gave away I’d put a lot of intellectual energy into. I’m someone who will research widely and get disparate perspectives on whatever is at hand. I’ll make notes, I’ll highlight things, I’ll ponder, analyse and discuss, and ultimately I’ll resolve an approach and solution. Through that period I’ll collect a lot of collateral material. What that means is that by the time I come to deploy I have a lot of supporting material, evidence and basic IP to back it up.

I can be protective of these things. This is my smarts. This is the product of my very thorough endeavours. I’m probably more protective of these things than I ever was before because so many times now I’ve seen my proposals re-branded and re-issued under the auspices of some other person or function. I’m not precious about these things, but it’s frustrating when I can’t get these things up and disappointing when they get up only when they figure they’re worthwhile – which is a lag of about 10-12 months by my reckoning.

This morning I gave away a lot of that stuff. I know it’s not going to get done in my name because I’m no longer involved in those areas, but I don’t want to see it wasted. There’s some good stuff there, and a lot of logical conclusions that are hard to refute when they get presented finally. The guy I gave it to was grateful and did the right thing by asking if I need to be involved in the socialisation of it all. I’ve basically given him a free hit but told him no, it’s all yours, use it.

I’m happy to get involved in the deployment if and when, because that’s my skillset, not his, because end of day no-one knows it better than me, and because I want to see these things done. This is part of the process of letting things go, nonetheless.

Otherwise, it appears that most people have guessed that my break last week was for mental health reasons. I find myself curiously indifferent to that. I’d have preferred to control that message myself, and I’m a little miffed that they were so careless with what is personal information, but, meh. When people ask I just shrug my shoulders and tell them I spat the dummy at work and took the rest of the week off. They laugh or nod their head in understanding and it becomes a bit of a shared joke.

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