I finally caught up with the department head today and among other things we discussed my proposal for a new role. He understood the logic of what I proposed and appreciated the need for such a role, however he felt the department was not ready for it. I nodded my head, we discussed some of the finer points, but I wasn’t about to argue with him about it.
I walked away feeling gutted. I looked around feeling abruptly over the place. It seemed very old and ordinary, as it had been for some time, but hope had allowed me to tolerate it when now there was only enough hope to feel disappointment.
I realised as much as anything that I needed to make a change. I’m tired of the environment and weary of being patient with it. My great ambitions remain, to do meaningful work, but today I realised a small and simple part of that was a desire to change the scene. I need to shift from the rut I’m in to something fresh and new.
It feels a mediocre place. Spotted around the place are mediocre people, without the sense to be more than that. Some of the people I work with are lovely, but too many are small-minded and petulant. They’re protective of the trivial authority they’ve been given and inclined to be tyrannical with it. There’s little imagination and much that is superficial. I’ve less patience with this than I used to – time is precious and I don’t want to waste it on petty conventions. I want to work with driven, professional people in a high-performance environment. I miss it, and while I was happy to bide my time before, all that came crashing down as I walked away from the meeting.
There’s a small chance things might change. He has plans the department head, which include me, but I’m not interested in the role he has me pencilled in for. These plans depend on a digital marketing resource being available – the role I was essentially pitching for. The problem is there is no digital marketing resource to step in – the man who might have has moved onto another role. That leaves a void. The department head intends speaking to the Digital Marketing manager this afternoon – the man who wants me for that role. I’m sure he will pitch for me, but I doubt it will be enough.
I’ve got a lot of thinking to do this weekend. The situation should be resolved early next week, but unless anything changes I’ll be seeking a new job.