Had a boring Easter, but boring in the best sense of the word. It was quiet and relaxing. I caught up with a few friends, had dinner out Saturday and a coffee yesterday, but otherwise I slept in each day recouping my energy, read a bit in between times while attending to sundry chores, writing, and watching some of the footy.
It’s a weekend I needed, in several ways. I’ve not felt unwell, but over the last few months I’ve noticed I need more sleep than usual. Most of my life I’ve been a solid 7.5 hours a night. Lately I’ve needed up to an hour more than that. It had me puzzled, and I wondered if it had anything to do with an allergy or intolerance. Then a friend suggested that it may not be a bad thing. The change coincides with my shift in perspective and looking to let things go – perhaps my body is letting go in concert with my mind? In any case when something as obvious as this occurs then there must be a reason for it. The body knows.
In any case having four days off meant I could sleep and wake whenever I wanted. I even had a nap on one day. Do I feel refreshed? Mayhap.
Then there is the mental side of it. In my last post I described the qualms I was experiencing. That didn’t go away in a hurry, but a conversation with Donna on Saturday helped put it in perspective. As I predicted I slowly recovered from the negative mindset, which is so unlike me anyway. Thankfully I’ve not simply reverted to an earlier state. What I wrote the other day was true, and with that in mind I have advanced my thinking.
The problem is simple and hardly uncommon, and my take on it almost clichéd – nonetheless, there is good sense in the realisation I’ve come to. It’s no good comparing myself to who I was before or what I had. Likewise, there’s no point in getting het up about where I want to get to when I’m still so far from it. And it’s foolish if I concern myself with how people see me – never an issue until it becomes something potentially negative. In other words it’s a fool’s errand to worry about anything that was or could be or which I have no control over. It’s not dissimilar to what I was saying a week ago, and not inconsistent with how I’ve lived my life. It was easier before though.
Basically, I need only attend to myself in the here and now. Be in the moment. That’s not to say I shouldn’t hope or aspire, but you’re only ever going to get there one step at a time. I should appreciate what I have now, and who I am. In the scheme of things it may not be a big thing – I may be that little man – but there’s enough for me to be thankful for, and even a little proud.
I can’t pre-empt anything. I can only be me, and hope its sufficient to take me where I want to go – and grant to me what I cherish.