I’ve just returned for an early morning coffee at Captains of Industry, a pretty handy Melbourne style café not far from work. I had a coffee there with a long-term acquaintance, though she’s probably a friend now – we’ve travelled together, she always sends a bunch of choice invitations my way, and I’ve been to a few of her very good NYE party. I hadn’t seen her in 6 months, so there was a bit to catch up on.
The thing is that we’re both of around the same age, come from similar backgrounds, and have generic experience in common – not to mention the times we’ve shared over the years. You come together and find so much of what we are experiencing now – and contemplating, and looking back on – resonates with each other. Ours is cultural compatibility, and so the conversation was interesting, and we’ll do it again.
Yesterday I had lunch with another friend. She’s the ex-wife of someone nominally my friend, though we’re not close. I always liked her more than him – he is a bit shallow, and has a chip on his shoulder about me – but when they split choices must be made. She basically sacrificed herself as her then-husband had no real friends outside of us.
We’ve kept in touch with the odd message and email. I sent her an email a couple of weeks ago congratulating her on a promotion and suggesting that we should catch up. She was agreeable, and yesterday was the result.
We shared our stories and caught up on old times over a sandwich. I took the opportunity to tell her about the recent initiatives I’ve taken, and she was supportive. We ended up talking about relationships.
She’s now found herself another guy and seems content with him, if not passionate. We discussed my prospects. I explained how for years I’d basically sequestered myself away from even the possibility of a relationship. There’d been an episode here and there, but nothing serious.
I explained how I’m not ready yet, but reckon within a couple of months I will be. I look forward to that.
I found as I spoke that something had been so long an abstract in my mind – and in my heart – began to manifest itself in a way I could feel. The thing is you want to be authentic and true, and you begin to feel it like a living thing. You look forward to a time when you can embody it, and in anticipation, I began to feel more sensitive. It was a good feeling, and remains so – I can feel it now still. There’s a sense of vulnerability that goes with it to, which is fair enough because you’re taking a risk. You’re going all in.
I think I avoided being vulnerable before. It was not who I was, but it was an attitude that cost me. Now I find myself embracing it as if it is the truth.
Late in the day, I caught up with Jeep, my old shop manager from the massage shop. We still keep in contact and catch up from time to time, and she always calls me whenever she needs a hand with something – like yesterday.
I adore Jeep and am eternally grateful to her. And I admire her greatly. I’m always ready to help her, and love to see her. She’s going back to Thailand later this year, and I’ll miss her.
So, over the space of 18 hours, three different women from different times and aspects of my life. Good to be connected, good to check in and remember.