I’ve ramped up my search for a new job. I’m having coffee with a consultant on Wednesday, and I’ve probably had half a dozen enquiries over the last fortnight about potential jobs, which is about half a dozen more than I’d received in the previous six months. Unfortunately none were suitable, including a couple of roles in Sydney. I’ve updated my LinkedIn profile and I even posted something to Facebook on the weekend, sending the vibe out into the world. I’ve never done that before, and in fact I was always inclined to do everything independently, unwilling to seek help or even admit to need. How silly I was in those days. I’m completely different now.
In my mind I figure I’ll be out of here by Easter, and just the thought of it adds a spring to my step. It’s funny what such a realisation does for you. Suddenly you wonder why you put up with it for so long. You realise you’ve been tolerating things that really you shouldn’t, and it becomes so bleeding obvious that you have to move on. As I told someone, it’s good for my soul.
Of course there’s no guarantee of anything coming my way. History makes that clear. I know that the vibe counts for little, if anything, but this time around I feel a completely different vibe. Once more, it feels in retrospect that I was never going to get the job I wanted because of the state of mind I was in. I was hopeful, even positive, I worked and strove hard for it, but it was all effort. It wasn’t in me. I was closed off. It was like running head first into a closed door, picking myself up and doing it all over again. I was not a viable option because really I wasn’t a viable person. I feel I am now.
There is a possibility I may stay on, though in a different role. There’s a bunch of senior managers in the company who think I’m the bees knees. Just this morning I received very strong positive feedback on a proposal I’ve been pushing a long time. There’s a select group who think I’m very capable, who look to utilise my skill, and defer to me in some matters. If push comes to shove I think there might be one or two who will look to pull me into their orbit. There’s certainly one option I’m open to, but mum’s the word for now.