Switched on

Hot days in Melbourne and controversy at the AO as the players complain that play should be called off when it gets too steamy. That’s sure to happen today if the temperature hits the forecast high of 42.

It makes for hot nights too. Lucky I’ve now got decent air-con, but it goes all night. It doesn’t make for a night of perfect sleep, but it’s better than tossing and turning.

The office should be a cool refuge, except that the corner of the building in which I sit cops the brunt of the sun. Better than being outside though.

Amid all this is me. It’s been a curious year so far. I placed myself in a position of vulnerability, which has taken some getting used to. I’ve been contemplating my future here as well as navigating the complex emotions wrought by the uncertainty in dealing with a girl here I like. That got quite difficult at one point as it seemed we had reached an impasse, and I felt responsible for it.

Much of the complexity was on my part – what did I want from this? What did I really feel? How do I parse this into real life, working in the same office? At times I took quite a fatalistic approach, which was healthy and felt sensible: there’s no rush to this. The old fashioned ‘if it’s meant to be it will happen’ notion got a run but grounded much more practically: there was a connection before and, inshallah, it will be there again. Be patient; let it be.

In the last 24 hours, something ticked over in me. You get caught up thinking about the other person so that sometimes you forget about yourself. I think I realised that I really liked her, which released a flood of positive feeling through me. Endorphins, I guess. I felt a benign glow. There was something fatalistic about that too: accept what it is, enjoy it, be it…

Say your piece...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.