The deflating balloon

Back at work after a long weekend, a fresh coffee at my hand and a short week ahead. I feel kinda mellow. I had a pleasant, but uneventful few days watching a lot of sport, doing a bit of cooking, plus the usual daily shift of writing.

Sport is an opiate of sorts, but when your team’s going well, who cares? That’s how it is for me. My team is flying at the moment, footy, in general, is entertaining, and in a tough year, my tipping is great. Besides footy, there was cricket, which was the only downside – Australia losing in the Champions Trophy.

It was one of those weekends of satisfying and straightforward domestic stuff. If I wasn’t watching sport, I was cooking. And if I wasn’t cooking, I was writing. The cooking was good. I made a hearty Bolognese and some chocolate brownies. As for the writing – well, not thrilled, but you have patches like that. Now back to work.

I also set myself to think about my career over the weekend. I’m not so sure that’s what I’ve got anymore – less a career, just a job – and probably that’s why I figured I needed to do something. For the first time in a while, I updated my LinkedIn profile. Then I did some head-scratching about my professional future, including the possibility of returning to freelance consulting. That’s my preferred option for so many reasons, but it’s the riskiest, and it’s pretty tough too. As a part of that, I sent off an email to the closest thing I have to a consulting mentor, who has a soft spot for my eccentric ways.

Back at work, the guy across from me muttered something, then showed his phone to me. It displayed an acknowledgement for a role he had applied for at Telstra. Change is in the air.

I don’t know what will happen to me, and the odds are that I’ll continue on here for a while yet. I don’t feel my customary urgency, not at the moment anyway. That’s one of the qualities I normally bring to my job. I push things through. I don’t take no for an answer. I make things happen. It’s the reputation I made 15 years ago, and I take pride in that, but I don’t feel it now. It’s probably temporary, but it’s significant. I feel as if the air is slowly being let out of the balloon – and it’s not just me. Through carelessness, it’s happening about me, others, impatient and disillusioned with the environment have come to the same place I am.

I’m not concerned about that right now, but I don’t want to encourage it, either. As I say, I feel mellow. It’s a short week, and I have things to do that I’ll methodically work through, but I won’t be reaching. I’ve now got my eyes on something beyond all this.

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