Old porn

The last few weeks World Movies have had some interesting movies scheduled. For some reason they decided to screen to air some old, soft-core porn movies. By today’s standards they’re pretty lame, and in terms of gratuitous sex very light-on. You find a lot hotter stuff on the front page of Porn Hub without needing to exert yourself. We’ve come a long way brother.

The appeal of these movies now is historical, and I was curious enough to record a couple just to check them out.

The first movie I watched was an Australian production called Felicity. It was better than I expected. I think everyone has seen those retro porn scenes with the pool cleaner or TV repairman and so on hamming it up terribly and just itching to get out of his britches for the lusty Jezabel only too willing to tempt him. They’re funny for about a minute, then utterly boring, and not for a second remotely erotic.

I’m far from an aficionado of these films, but Felicity was a lot better than what I remember. It was cheesy of course, and had its happily contrived moments, but it was pretty well done. It was a classic trope – young girl from a country boarding school coming of age and discovering her sexuality when she visits brazen Hong Kong. There’s a fair bit of sex in this, though almost entirely of the inoffensive kind, and some full frontal nudity, but tastefully so. You wouldn’t watch it to get off, but it had a quirky appeal.

The other film I watched is an absolute classic of the genre – Deep Throat. It’s only pretty short – a little over an hour – and has a camp kind of humour. It certainly doesn’t take itself seriously. To my astonishment I found that such a notorious porn movie wasn’t remotely explicit. I don’t think there was any nudity outside of the odd breast, and though there was sex it was shot so that everything was suggested but very little seen.

The story itself was cool – a woman had never really experienced great sex discovers that her clitoris is in her throat – and the best way to stimulate it was to…well, you know.

It’s very seventies somehow, and the comedy paled very quickly for me.

I remember when I was a kid how my parents went and watched a movie with another couple they couldn’t stop talking about at the time. It was a comedy, but it was only later I discovered it was a soft-core porn movie too. My parents weren’t that type – they’d have gone along for a lark with their best friends sharing the joke. The movie was The Case of the Smiling Stiffs, and though I sought it out when I was older I don’t remember much about it, except it was very much tongue in cheek (a phrase easily misconstrued in this context).

I’ve had my porn fill for now, though I guess I have to tick off Debbie Does Dallas one day.

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