Right now it seems like I’m going through a phase of what might have been.
Yesterday it was the African, and how she had become a mother since I saw her last. There was nothing practical that I could have done, yet I felt it inside of me, that had I played it differently then this would have been different too. I couldn’t play it differently – and if I were to be completely honest, it’s probably only hindsight that makes me wistful about something I didn’t really desire.
Last night I found out that the opportunity I had to knock back about a month ago was mine for the taking. It was an interesting job, but I declined it because it because it was located many miles from here, distant from public transport, and practically impossible to get to without a car.
Again, it is one of those situations where there is little option – but that doesn’t prevent you from feeling it when you discover it might have been different. It’s not just the practical impact of earning real money again (double plus current), which would be huge, it’s the fact that I’d be doing real work again. Morally, that counts for a lot, and practically speaking getting back in the game again is the big leap that might change everything. It’s getting back into the game that is the hard part – once I’m there, if and when, then I can look to consolidate and capitalise on it. Potentially it means all the difference in these years to come. I have to get there though – and I had an invitation I had to refuse.
For the want of some wheels…
The positive is that obviously I’m still an acceptable candidate. In theory it’s only a matter of time. It’s finding the opportunities which is the hard part.