Which way forward?

Yesterday when I took Rigby for a walk down by the beach I wore a heavy woollen coat and a beanie. The normal placid waters of the bay had been whipped up into a surging swell. Today walking him down by the beach the water is still and there’s a cloudless blue sky as far as the eye can see, and I’m wearing a t-shirt. How Melbourne is that!

The weather actually influences my plans for the day. It’s forecast to be 26, which means I can finally get around to washing my winter woollies and put them out to dry. I’ll rummage around in the garage today tidying things out. This afternoon I’ll be baking some cookies. Otherwise I’ll do the usual, get some writing down and search out work.

It’s this last which is giving me grief. I set out this week to move towards my next job, but I still don’t have a clear head on that, and I realise I’m pretty jaded by the whole exercise.

I apply for jobs thinking that it’s futile. It’s rare that I get a call back, and I’m not even sure that half the jobs are legitimate. I go through the process by rote, not expecting a thing. It’s hard too because I find so many ads blandly generic – there’s too little to hang your hat on.

The last couple of days I’ve made contact with recruiters, but I think generally the attitude these days is don’t call us, we’ll call you. It’s hard to get through in the first place, and harder still getting a call back.

The bigger question really is what can I reasonably do in this environment? What’s realistic, and how do I go about it? And what am I happy to do?

I feel stuck. It’s immensely frustrating. I don’t know what to do, but I know I must do something.

I’m meeting up with Cheeseboy for a bottle of wine tonight. No doubt we’ll discuss this in part.

I had hoped to find some peace this week, and it’s still possible. It’s happened before. You let the universe work on you and from it reach a kind of understanding. What is true? What is right? What is real? I haven’t found that yet.

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