This is probably normal, but the older I get the more old school I feel.
I wrote another grizzly piece yesterday about work, but didn’t post it. No matter how legitimate your opinion might be, grizzling about it is never a good look. As I write these things I think, this is beneath me. You’re better than that H. And grizzling is just depressing.
From here on in just take it as read that I despise my job and feel totally out of step with the organisation.
On that note let me record an observation I woke up with this morning. I’ve mentioned before what a different crowd it is I work with. Different for me anyway, used to working in professional and competitive environments and striving against colleagues just as alpha as me. None of that here.
Once upon a time I wrote a post about how I felt like Steve McQueen. Shoot, those were the days. Steve fucking McQueen (look him up millennials)!
This morning I woke up thinking that at work I feel like Clint Eastwood: laconic, direct, manly and maybe a little intimidating. I’ve always been spare with my conversation, the last 20 years anyway. I don’t mind a lyrical turn of phrase, but only in service of direct communication. Half the time these days it feels as if I say as much by my silence than any words I might use. That suits me fine, though forever and a day I’ve been called blunt – sometimes as compliment, sometimes not.
I suspect that’s exacerbated by the environment I’m in, and perhaps by my generation. I’d feel less like Clint Eastwood working back in corporate. I’m somewhere to the right of the bell curve for my gen, but still my generation was a lot more circumspect than those who have come after.
It is what it is. I might write a confessional blog, but I’m not a huge sharer. I’m honest, but I dislike burdening others with my life story and tales of woe. If in doubt I’ll say nothing. By and large I like the way I am. But then you do – that’s why you are the way you are. I could no more gush than vote for Pauline Hanson. It’s just not natural.
For the record Clint Eastwood is north of 70. I’m not that old, but by nurture sympatico to those older values.