Conform & comply

I nearly chucked a sickie yesterday. It was Monday morning and I dreaded going into work. I lay in bed a long while considering it. It’s not really my thing, but it could be argued that I was justified in taking a ‘mental health day’. Mondays I’m depressed.

I went into work and did my shift. It was worse than usual in some ways as they re-organised desks on Friday so that now I’m isolated and away from my work buddies. It was quiet and solemn. They really have no idea about group dynamics, as my buddies were equally effective. The one solace in doing such a dreary job are the people you work with – take that away…

I know I have to last, but I don’t see how. I hope for something more to develop, as has been promised, but I’m sceptical also. That’s what keeps me going, but if it doesn’t happen I don’t know what happens to me.

It’s not just the dull nature of the work, it’s the fact that everything is so regulated. There’s no room for independent thought. At every stage of the day you’re directed to do this and do that, and get in trouble if you stray from it. That’s foreign to me. I’m initiative personified (though it might be called other things). I’m still stubbornly independent in personality and behaviour – I push back – but am forced to conform.

How do people make a career of this? I was speaking to the big manager a few weeks ago at some function. We spoke about the industry. He was candid enough to admit that industry attracts  certain type, who are happy to conform and comply. They don’t want to have to do more, and don’t want to think more than they have to. It was depressing, though it confirmed what I already believed.

I’m not like that, but here I work.

It will change, but when?

 

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