Because I have to, I’ve begun to plot out alternative scenarios and the different plans each require. Fact of the matter is I’m at a cross-roads, and unfortunately have little influence on which direction my life takes next. I’ll end up on one of those roads, and when it happens – if it hasn’t already – I want to be prepared. Tough as it may be, it is better to act than simply carried along by events.
There are three scenarios.
The first is possibly most bleak. What would I do if I discovered I only had 6 months to live? What would be my priorities then? What would I need to do? For example, in that scenario the long term becomes insignificant. Earthly possessions become meaningless. Assuming I could manage it I imagine one of my first priorities would be to enjoy that 6 months as much as I could. I would also need to make plans to make sure that my affairs are tidied up – thankfully I have super enough to manage that. Then there’s Rigby – I’d need to find a loving home for him.
The next scenario is not as obviously bleak, but feels pretty dire all the same. It’s probably the most difficult of scenarios to manage. What if I were never to return to what I did before, with all of the security and comforts entailed with it? I have to consider this a probability now. So, what do I do, how do I cope?
This assumes that I either get along just, earning enough money to survive frugally week to week. There is another possibility, one that I face now – that I won’t earn sufficient money, and consequently forced into homelessness and everything that goes with it.
It’s a very depressing prospect. In my heart of hearts I don’t know if it is any better than the first scenario. I’d rather go out with a bang, and on my own terms, than eke out a miserable existence. Regardless, I need to plan for it.
In that scenario I have to scramble to survive. Though I have no money, I have about me remnants of my former wealth – fine furniture and technology, much of it pointless in such an existence. The plan would be to shed myself of these encumbrances. Make some money out of them, at the same time prepare myself to travel light.
If this scenario ever came to pass – and it is the most likely right now – then I would not accept the existence it demands of me. I would look elsewhere and beyond.
The third scenario is by far the most preferred, while still being relatively modest and reasonable. I’m an intelligent man still, I present well, am an excellent communicator, on top of which have excellent experience. There’s no real reason why I cannot get a job as I used to. I don’t need to be earning the multi-thousands of dollars of before. A couple of hundred dollars extra a week would make the world of difference, and would still represent a modest salary. Anything beyond that – which history says I’m capable of – would be a bonus.
In this scenario I could begin to reclaim some of what I have lost. I could hang on to my household goods. I could look at putting down some roots. I could begin to re-pay some of what I owe. Most of all, I could begin to live a normal life again. How I’ve missed that.
In analysing this I’ve left out things I might call acts of god – winning the lottery say, or publishing my book to acclaim and a million copies sold. They would be welcome, and would transform my life, but they’re not things I can count on.
I figure I have until about Friday to figure which of these will be. The good news is that a positive break could make all the difference, even after going down one of the bleaker roads. Salvation seems so remote, but remains feasible. I’m really only a decent wage away from being one of you again. That’s all, but it seems so much.