I’m dreaming a lot these days. In my experience, that’s generally a sign that there’s a bit going on.
Last night I had two dreams one after the after that pretty well encapsulated my present situation. In the first dream I was poised to, or just become, homeless again. This is a very real possibility for me.
In the second dream I was working, but only just. I was consulting to a client thanks to friends who had recommended me. The job was a bit unusual for me. I was working with SAP again, something I haven’t done for about 10 years, and so I tread carefully. I was conscious of the fact that this might represent my way out, as long as I didn’t fuck it up. Dream ended with everything ticking along well, but no guarantees.
I finished my job today at noon. I may get further work there again, but it’s unlikely and not something I should be counting on. It finished sooner than anticipated because I was a little too efficient, and leaves me probably two days short of salary I’d budgeted on.
At the same time, this morning I discovered that a BAS refund I was counting on would not be coming through. It’s left me in a very sticky situation.
As it stands my rent is overdue and I’m short on it by about $500 – which I was counting on the BAS to cover. I have a gas bill overdue also, as well as a car payment. I have bugger all in my pocket and nothing coming in for about a fortnight.
I’d have had kittens in a situation like this a few years ago. I’m not happy now, but at the same time I’ve been conditioned to expect this life. I hate how I’ve had to expect a lowering of standards, simply because there has been no other option. Once upon a time I paid on the button. Once upon a time I never relied on getting help from friends. But once upon a time I had money.
It’s not a pleasant situation to be in, and the worst of it is that I haven’t got an answer right now, short of borrowing money again (I lose a tiny bit of my soul each I have to do that).
I’m open to suggestion folks. In the meantime, I’m sitting here trying to drum things up. There’re a few job applications outstanding. A meeting on Friday that might come up trumps. That’s about it though. I’m calling people now, and put the word out for writing jobs.
I’m now in the critical phase. Unless something changes the first of those dreams will be prophetic. Reckon I have about two weeks to pull a rabbit out of the hat. Perhaps the second dream shows the way.