I’m struggling at the moment. I’m bored with my job, but I’m seriously disenchanted with my workplace. When I started I had a bit of a bounce in me. It was not just that I had a job, and the promise of a salary, there was a sense of hope. I’d been led to believe that there would be further opportunities once I got my foot in the door. It was just a formality.
As it turned out an opportunity came, but was then snuffed out, for reasons still unknown. It seems likely that I was either nobbled, or it was stuffed up. It was all good and then nothing happened, because I couldn’t be spared perhaps, or because I was seen as a threat (as I’ve been told), or it’s just that the people concerned are just not competent to do it right.
I’m past the point of being surprised by any of that. I’m sure there are exceptions, but I’ve come to believe the difference between business in the city as opposed to the outer suburbs is that the bar is set higher in the big smoke. It’s more competitive, with both standards and expectations higher. This place at least seems content to muddle through. There’s a culture of happy mediocrity, with things happening more by happenstance than method. As my informant here has told me, there’s a lot of people in senior positions who wouldn’t cut it in more high performance environments.
While all of that is disappointing, what really pisses me off is the unprofessional way I’ve been treated. My last official conversation with IT was about my availability to work with them, where I was reassured that they ‘would handle it’. The only feedback I’ve had since is through a third party, unofficially, suggesting that it probably wouldn’t happen. Nothing at all from IT. In my world that’s not only incompetent, it’s piss weak. I deserve a more adequate explanation, and from the people concerned. It’s shabby and disappointing and it’s no wonder I’m dirty on them.
Unfortunately that sentiment is permeating my time here. It’s unlike me. There have been times in my life I’ve been so pissed off I wanted to be vindictive, but I never managed it. It doesn’t take long before I just shake it off. It’s too much a waste of time and energy to carry that upset too far. Life’s too short. That’s generally how I operate.
Intellectually that’s how I’m operating now. This shit’s been done. I look ahead, disappointed, but trying to find an alternative solution. I’m active with that, but can’t help but feeling myself sour as soon as I walk in the door at work. I just have to deal with it, and move on.