I went out with the spy a couple of weeks ago, something I only mentioned in passing. It was an okay night. We met at the Gin Palace, which is a favourite first date venue for me. Reckon I must have taken 20-30 women there for a first date, and one week I can recall turned up there three times and met three different women. I don’t know what the staff thought of that.
Afterwards we went to a Burmese restaurant for dinner, where they managed to muck up our order.
I came away from the night thinking she got more out of it than I did. I went in sceptical, and there were a couple of conversations on the night I thought quite naive for such an intelligent and well credentialed woman. I won’t repeat them here, but they were in relation to her home country. I was left disquieted, and a little disappointed by that. It was a fine night, and she seemed to get me, but I left knowing it was not to be.
In truth I sort of knew that before then. People get caught up in the idea of a new relationship. They get caught up in the idea of a new person. She was always very keen, but I had the impression it was the idea that was seducing her, and not the reality. It’s not uncommon, particularly in people coming out of a long relationship. Everything is different, everything is fresh and exciting.
I twigged to it pretty simply. She was interested in my background, my past, but showed absolutely no interest in what I was doing. For example, I told her I was writing a book and she asked me not a single question about that. She didn’t ask me what it was about, or even what sort of book it was. Genuine interest in the person demands you must know everything about them, and writing is a fertile and – I’d have thought – interesting area to explore. Not one word, and there were other examples just like that.
Didn’t trouble me, and doesn’t trouble – I never got that interested. We’re still in touch and will catch up again, and likely screw etc, but can’t see much more developing out of it than that.
Tomorrow night I’m meant to be catching up with another woman I met first about 4 years ago at a networking event. She’s an attractive, intelligent, and sophisticated woman of Indian descent. She’s a lot of fun too. We catch every now and then for lunch or a drink after work. We’re more than just occasional acquaintances – there’s some frisson there – but it’s never really developed much past that.
What I find interesting is that with her I’m a different man to, say, the man I am with the spy. A lot of that is dictated by the person you’re with. Different elements come to the surface drawn out by their personality and inclinations, and other elements will fade. I met her first when I was networking which means she encountered the more extroverted H, to which was added a layer of cheeky wit once we got talking.
That’s the man I remain to her today, the man she expects and likes. I like it too. I like women who draw out my wit. I’m a bigger personality with her, urbane and easy-going, always well dressed and ready to share a laugh.
You always know the person right for you by the you they bring out. That’s a truism.