It feels like a hard day today. It is a hard day. I’m sitting here as usual watching things go by and not come in. It’s quiet, like I expected, the music wails like an inappropriate soundtrack as the clock ticks, louder and louder.
This is it then. I’m short on the payment to the landlord. I’m short on salaries. No-one is coming in, or if they are they have vouchers. The bank account goes up in small increments, not nearly enough for what I need. On that count I need to make a choice. Do I pay salaries, or the rent? I choose salaries, because they’re my people and I owe them, but it means I’m outta here.
That might not matter if I get the sale. That’s where it stands, why it feels so hard. I’m right on the edge, and on one side is catastrophe, the other a kind of redemption.
It’s an unusual feeling for me. In a way it’s like reading a book you can’t wait to get to the end of. If it was a book I’d have cheated and checked out the last page by now. Normally I’m pretty cool, but I don’t feel it today. I’m tense. Pessimistic to. I don’t know how it ends up, but I think I’m done.
My only chance is if someone comes through with a written offer for the shop by midday tomorrow. That might even be too late. It’s cutting it awful fine as it is, and relies on so much that is beyond my control.
If I get that offer I figure I can hold the landlord off. Tough work this but. Definitely over it.