The usual topsy-turvy, eventful, and unpredictably irresolute span of time since I last wrote. For all of that nothing has changed: I still don’t have any fucking idea of what’s going on, or where I’m going to end up.
For want a better term I’ll list out the bunch of ‘incendalities’ of the last little while.
Heading out for drinks Friday night I changed my jacket just before walking out the door. Just as the door clicked shut behind me I thought, fuck, left my keys in my other jacket. I spent the next 30 minutes trying to pick the lock or wrenching myself into uncomfortable contortions, and even rang a mobile locksmith – but at a $250 call out fee thought fuck that. Was preparing to break a window – figuring a glazier is cheaper than a locksmith – when instead I managed to lever open a window with a spade, and slide in through the narrow gap. Proceeded to head to the city for drinks and pizza and so on.
I attended a presentation Friday morning by a company I might have ended up working for once upon a time, and wish I had. Every time I see them it crosses my mind. Back in the day I engaged their services there were no more than a dozen of them sitting in a single office in Melbourne. They were so impressed with me they offered me a job that never eventuated. Over the years it happened twice more. Sometimes I wasn’t available. Other times they mucked it up. Over the period they’ve grown from a dozen people to an international brand with offices in NYC, London, Shanghai, and another 3-4 cities. In 5 years I reckon they’ll be just about the pre-eminent in their field – I have a lot of time for them, they’re clever people who also happen to be good people. Every time I bump into them – I average once a year – they always come up to m to chat and catch-up. It’s one of my few regrets that it never eventuated. For them I think I represent fond memories of their early days.
I got contacted about an IT manager role at a start-up by one of the few remaining reputable recruiters. Sounded interesting, though details scant. Money scant too initially, though much more after. It piqued my interest. I’d be perfect for it, not just for the range of my experience, but temperamentally. I’ve the perfect temperament to manage such a dynamic, fluid and likely unpredictable environment. Plus I have the strategic nous they need, whether they know it or not. I’m in for it, but the pattern dictates that if it happens it will happen slowly, but may not at all.
I’ve had dramas at the shop, which I might write about elsewhere. Challenges I could live without.
Finally there’s this place. It was open for inspection again yesterday. I had very mixed feelings about that. I went out with Rigby and had a coffee and came back just as the RE agent was packing up. He told me there had been just one person through, and didn’t sound encouraged. It’s the time of year I think. Few people want to move this close to Christmas. That means there is every chance I’ll be here. That’s awkward though. I’d much rather be here than somewhere else, but the reason that the place is up for rent is because I can’t afford to stay here. Each day that goes by I’m deeper in the hole. I really don’t know what to do.
As it stands I’m in limbo. I’m half packed up, but have stopped not knowing if or when I’ll be shifting. Half of my kitchen is in boxes. There’s hardly any food in the fridge. I don’t know which way to turn. Tomorrow I’ll speak to the agent. I’m disadvantaged waiting for a new tenant to take the lease over. If I knew I was staying I would get a boarder in, and some cash – but each week passing without that I lose more. If only I had $6,000. That’s what I need, and what I scan my mind for. How? Crime? I’m stuck, wedged, seemingly with little free will in the matter. I hate that.
Worse case scenario is I get sued. Hope not.