21 minutes worth of thinking

Someone asked me over the weekend how long it generally takes to write a blog post. About 30 minutes I said, without really thinking about it. It’s probably close to being true, but as anyone who has ever done any substantial writing knows, time has a habit of expanding and contracting when you’re in that compositional state. I was asked if I write at any particular time of day. Do I schedule it? That was easy to answer. No, not once. I tend to write only when I feel I might have something to say. There are days I have nothing at all, and more days when I have a multitude. For everything I write there are generally half a dozen things I don’t. And when I write, generally, it is squeezed in between other things. It’s far from an afterthought, but nor is it a priority. I attend to the things I must, and if I find I have a (metaphorical) 5 minutes spare I’ll start putting things to (metaphorical) paper.

I’ve not written for a few days for a combination of reasons. Doubtless right now in my life there are many things I can write of – it is a busy time. I felt a bit lazy though, a little couldn’t be fucked. No point forcing it. More relevantly I don’t feel I’ve had 5 minutes spare, metaphorical or not. It’s all been go, go, go, working on a bunch of things all coming to a point.

Now I can write. It’s not yet 8am. I’m in a pair of tracksuit pants (never worn outdoors) and a t-shirt. There’s a fresh coffee at my elbow. It’s overcast outside; when I got up earlier a drizzle fell in a soft hush. Rigby has taken the absence of his dad as the excuse to climb onto my bed and snuggle there as if he is master of the realm. And in my mind, after a mentally hectic night, I have some free space.

I feel in a way as if I’ve come to a moment of stillness amid all the frenetic activity. I’ve paused while the world whirls and rushes around me. Perhaps that’s because the big things have just about settled, and all the wrangling and negotiating is finally resolved. Last night we signed the contract to pass the massage business into my ownership.

I went out after feeling sleepy. I don’t know if it was natural, or if it was a reaction. I felt flat. Was it an anti-climax to finally have it almost done? I had a galette, then a sweet crepe with a French girl, sipped on a cider or two, attempted small talk, unsuccessfully. I went home and lay on the couch, and watched TV I could not quite find myself interested in. Going to bed the thoughts of the evening coalesced. So I’m buying a massage business? What am I going to do with a massage business? What do I know about massage outside of receiving them? Who’s going to open and close? What do I do about the cleaning? How will the girls take me?

In the weeks leading up to it my thoughts had been centred on the financial burden – relatively light for what it is – of purchasing the business. Was I going to do my money? Is it a good buy? These were natural considerations, and despite frequent frustrations the consensus was that yes, it was good to go. Last night, the deal virtually done, my thoughts turned to the practical. How the fuck am I going to do this?

Morning comes and things change again. If it’s not quite a fait accompli, it’s not far short of it. I’ll make it work. That’s how life goes. It serves challenges up to you, and in most cases you end up packaging it up into manageable portions and tidy it away. Yes, naturally, there will be challenges, even crises, but I’ll manage. So now, the papers signed, everything stills momentarily.

Soon I’ll shower and dress and head up the road. I thought I’d buy myself a cooked breakfast before heading to the bank to do the necessary. I’ll ponder a few queries. I have a manageress in mind: do I bring her in now? Plus, quite inconveniently, I’ve just been offered a job at the very moment I don’t have the time to take one on. Can I manage both, or is that being irresponsible? Really I think I need to be in the shop almost FT for the first month.

In any case, the uncertainties will resolve into patterns. A month from now the things I query here will have been dealt with one way or another. Doubtless there will be other queries, new challenges, but I’ll deal with them then.

For the record, 21 minutes.

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