The older I get the more convinced I am that dreams provide a significant insight to the psyche. Not every dream means something in the normal course of events, but many do. My own experience and perspective on this is that often dreams are a reflection of the feelings and fears and longings not visible to us in our conscious life. They are like mirrors that angled right reveal what might otherwise be hidden.

Last night I dreamt and dreamt. My sleep suffered from it. It was like a film being played through my sleep with barely an interruption in it. From what I remember it was all pretty much about the same things.

The dream that I remember best was one of the earliest. I am there with my sister clearing out mum’s house after her death. It’s a grim business, but you just do it. What made this different was that both mum, and her deceased husband, Fred, were there watching us.

It was not a depressing dream, not as you might think. In fact in ways it was nice to have both of them there, both dearly loved, and now greatly missed. Still, the dream ended and left with it a residue of regret.

The other dream I remember was much less pleasant. Once more I was going through mum’s house looking to set things in order. There seemed great mess and disorganisation, and a looming deadline I feared I would miss. I was clearly stressed, and felt the full burden of managing mum’s affairs squarely on my shoulders alone.

Whilst working frantically to get things in order I felt outside, in the dark, out of sight, that I was being watched, and that every move I made scrutinised and reported on. I had the strong impression that everything I did, and had done, was under the microscope. They wanted an angle, evidence of fault or guilt to leverage against us. I went about my business aware of this, but not in a position to do anything about it.

This second part makes sense. As I write this there are people in Oz looking to find cause why mum’s will should be upturned. That means going through her affairs and, as far as possible, our affairs too. The gloves are off, and there is little we can do but wait for the endgame.

The first part of the dream makes less sense. For a start I believe everything has been managed as it should be to this point, that everything is organised and nothing overlooked. I am conscious of doing much of this myself – my sister chooses not to get directly involved – but it does not feel a burden. At times, perhaps, I wish I could defer some part of it – but at the same time want to do it my way, as always, so it’s best to manage it myself.

The remaining dreams were some variation on these. What do they tell me? That these things are on my mind, even if only sub-consciously. And that I have fears and concerns. Fair enough I guess, but I wish it wasn’t the case.

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