This means war

It’s a funny thing. I went to bed last night feeling weary and despondent. For the first time ever in my life I wondered if I had any fight left in me. I felt ashamed by that, but felt so deeply unhappy I wondered if there was anything I could do about it.

This morning I woke up fully aware of the tricky challenges ahead of me, but with my resolve stiffened. It is ever the way, but it has to mean something more than the cosmetic. I set about the first task on my list which is when I received some very ugly news. Very bad news for me, but nasty too.

I was shocked. It put a different spin on everything. Then I got angry. I felt it surge through me like a charge of electricity. I wasn’t going to cop this. I felt energised, much more like the old H. It was as if I needed this rude shock to the system to get going again. I needed to poked, to receive this explicit and offensive challenge to recall who I am, and what I stand for.

So now I am defiant. And where last night I wondered how I was going to manage, now – and with the situation much worse – I am determined to endure, and to succeed. And this energy I feel I can turn to other uses.

It’s a bad time, and there’s nothing like a win-win situation in sight, but perhaps I can turn this adverse situation to my advantage. H never gives up.

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