The other thing I figured is that a need a woman to make an honest man of me. Right now I feel like I’m living a life straight out of Californication. It’s fun, but sort of wearying too. I’ve lived this way before and without much regret, but it has to be said that I don’t think I’m entirely made for it. It’s not so much the morality of it, more to do with who I am. I really do think myself to be a decent and kind human being, notwithstanding the occasional arrogance (generally inoffensive), aggression, and bluntness. It’s fucking hard to say no sometimes, as I’ve expressed, and often you’re led by you know what wanting to get it’s share of the action, but I don’t want to be simply using people for my pleasure. I may do that to some extent, but I’m always careful to give back, to listen and to be totally honest. Strangely enough I think that adds to my appeal – there’s no bullshit, it is or it isn’t, and given that stark choice many seem encouraged to go for the ‘is’ option.
Still, I’m not Hank Moody and that’s not the way I want to live my life. Problem is I’m a hard man to pin down. There are very few who inspire the desire for domesticity in me. I want it, I just can’t seem to find it. I’m a strong character, and that draws people too, but it seems to me many are quite happy to shelter in the lee of that. It might suit them, but it doesn’t suit me. That’s why I think I need a strong women with her own mind to conquer me. I need to be intrigued at the very least, challenged in some way; and ultimately need for someone to tame these ways of mine. Someone smart, strong, funny. That’s what H needs.