In other, rather unexpected, news, I'm looking to find the mother of my children. Pronto.
The yoga teacher put it in my head. She knows I want kids. Why don't you just find someone to have a kid with then? I sipped on my very good Spanish beer (1606) and thought yes, why not indeed?
I may or may not find the woman of my dreams, but given past experiences the odds are against it in the near future. If I'm not about to find the one then I'm just as happy to go on my happy, solitary way. I have plenty of fun after all. The problem is the children aspect. It makes sense then if I can come to some kind of arrangement to 'partner' with someone for our mutual benefit to have a baby.
It's not as simple as that obviously, not simple at all, but I'm sure it can be worked out. I find someone who wants a kid as much as I do, we work out a deal – the complicated bit – then go and do it. Life changes forever, but it doesn't necessary preclude me – or her – finding that elusive soulmate.
The yoga teacher suggested Donna. As a few people have suggested to me, she's in love with you she said. I never see it, and am unwilling to believe it, but…
She wants a kid too, and is even worse than me at relationships. I don't care enough; she cares too much. She's someone I know and trust, etc, but I couldn't imagine doing it with her. She may love me, I'm fond of her, but anything more intimate than that is inconceivable to me. I love her as a friend, I value and cherish her, but she is almost sexless to me, like a sister. We'd have to do the turkey baster.
Quite foolishly I mentioned this conversation to Donna. I thought she'd pooh-pooh it right off, but no. She hasn't said yes, but seems taken with the idea and I'm inclined to think she's up for it. In the meantime I've realised I'm not – not with her anyway. If she has any feeling for me like that then I think it would be wrong, because I'm never going to reciprocate. I don't want that pressure, and it seems cruel to tease her like that. On reflection I think something like this is best with an acquaintance or virtual stranger where all the emotion is taken out of the equation.
So, I'm looking for the mother of my children. Genetically I'm a good deal – tall, smart, good hair – and have a lot to offer. Shouldn't be too hard I'm told. Feels bizarro.