I was in my kitchen making my morning coffee first thing while a few stray thoughts crossed my sleepy mind. I was in that state when nothing registers too deeply, when the day ahead is something vague and gladly so – lets think about things after coffee.
One of the stray thoughts was about Amy. I have not thought about her for months, and so after a moment the surprise of it pulled me up short. As my mind focussed I thought it must be near her birthday. I remembered her birthday party 3 years ago, and then remembered the terrible trip I made to Perth straight after it. Then I realised, or thought I did, that today is her birthday. How strange. And as I sipped my coffee I figured it was no accident that she popped into my head today. Though I was not consciously aware of it the fact of her birthday had lodged itself deep in my memory and like some reminder that flashes up on your computer screen the memory had made its way to the surface.
Last week I ran into an old flame in Camberwell. It always seems unexpected when it happens, and on this occasion I was so surprised it was only really when she had passed that I realised. S was a very attractive girl when I knew her, with reddish gold hair that fell straight and long like a waterfall of hair from her head. She had a good smile and a silly sense of humour we would spend hours playfully indulging. She looked like a model, and in fact did hand modelling on the side, something that always gave us cause for mirth, and excuses to speak about George and the hand model episode in Seinfeld. She was a nice person, sweet and good and fun.
I was on my way to an appointment on Thursday when out of the corner of my eye I spotted her. She had a smile on her face as if she had already seen and recognised me, but it became different as she remembered how things had ended between us – not bad, but awkward. By now I was past her and was only then registering her in my mind. She looked little different, older, perhaps a little too slender now, though attractive still, I thought she must work at the same as she did 10 years before, just around the corner.
They come and they go. I guess you're always going to bump into these memories occasionally, and I guess there's nothing terrible in it.