It starts now

Today is the first day since she left that I’ve really missed the girl. Right now I miss her keenly. I am wistful and yearning. I feel it in my belly. I don’t know why this is. Maybe it is because someone spoke of her to me – but that has happened before today. Maybe because she has been in my dreams these past few nights, busy dreams that don’t really say much more than what was always there. Maybe I am due.

In a way, it is strangely reassuring. I have been in control since she left, to the point that occasionally I have wondered what it meant. I expected to be sad, to miss her, and when I didn’t I justified it by telling myself it was because I needed to process it still – which was true.

It is processed now – perhaps that is it. I know what I want. Now I know I don’t want to hesitate, I want to act.

Tonight, for the first time since she left, I’ll contact her.

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