Living in reverse

The last few days have passed in a blur. Aside from that pleasant interlude over Christmas that seems the norm these days. As I write is nearing 40 degrees outside, I’m tired, weary, beaten-up, I feel like my sleep patterns have been wildly put out of sync and I’m really wondering what’s going on. Pretty normal for new years day I guess.

I caught up with Rebecca on Saturday night. We met at the Rooftop Cinema at Curtin House in the city. Had a couple of drinks and then settled down to watch Mulholland Drive– I still haven’t figured out what it all means. We had a couple of bottles of wine as we watched, the night sky clear, but cool, surprisingly so, a steady breeze that blew upon us 5 floors up, necessitating a rug under which we shivered. Quite remarkable, but then that’s Melbourne. Earlier it had been a hot 38 degrees.

We went back to my place, another drink, then bed, Asleep at about 4am. Sunday a repeat of before. Stayed in bed until 1, talking etc, but feeling very weary. We had a late breakfast up the road, before I dropped her home.

I was buggered, feeling unusually groggy. I napped and then lay in a hot bath though once more it was a hot day out. I felt a little better and contemplating a quiet night. Not to be. I ended up going over Rebecca’s place in Windsor. We sat in her small back yard and drank more wine with her house-mate. It was chilled, easy, pleasant, and I was feeling much better. Then while the girls were inside a guy popped his head over the back fence. We got talking in that easy and casual way that Aussie males have, strangers but musing on the music playing and the new years eve celebrations to come, as well as a strange conversation about washing, and separating your coloureds from your whites. He was hardline on that.

Then the girls came out and it turned out that this guy and Rebecca’s house-mate were long-lost friends. He climbed the fence, joined us for a beer, then his mates came over and before you knew it it was 1am on Sunday night all good but I was looking towards work next day and thinking, well, another night.

Rebecca took me to bed shortly after while they continued to drink out back. We slept. I was tired again. In the morning I did not want to wake. When I did the sun was flooding into the room, it was hot outside already. I dressed in the clothes I had come in and hopped in the car.

Monday was an optional day for me at work, but there was something I wanted to check on. I parked my car in the quiet city streets and wandered upstairs, looking very chilled out in my weekend clothes. I did my thing, told everyone they could go home, then went home myself. It was about midday.

I had breakfast up the road by myself and thought about things. There had come a moment the night before when Rebecca and I had been asked if we were together. I was interested in the answer myself. I turned to her and she said yes, we are. Okay then. Later we spoke about that in bed. All night, and as always, she was attentive to me, reaching out to stroke or caress or simply touch me sometimes. We were appraised by the visitors over the fence. I was Aryan. Rebecca was ‘hot’. We were asked about our jobs, and were told in response to our answers that wow, they were responsible jobs. I saw a picture forming of us as a couple. Could see the future ahead if it continued this way, a nice house, kids, a comfortable upper-middle class existence, holidays away, nice things around us, an uncluttered future and an ever upward trajectory, golden. And what’s wrong with that?

There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s what I want after all, it’s what I expect. But still. I saw us as through their eyes, enviable and of a type. I had no argument with that, but as always I felt uncomfortable with being typecast. And I wondered if really that was the way things will go.

It’s very strange. We seem to have managed this relationship in reverse. We have started somehow with all the meaningful stuff, have established who we are and what we want and what we feel, we have looked deep into each others eyes and murmured our endearments. We have found a common ground, we know that there is no obstacle there, that in fact that life described before can be something we share very easily.

Still, it has happened so quickly that I feel both confused and a little hesitant. I know she feels the same way. We are going a million miles an hour almost without effort, but I wonder what it means, and long to do some normal things with her.

Going back a few weeks the situation I now find myself in would have seemed inconceivable. But here I am. I’m not going to think about it too much. I’ll let it flow, but think it must slow down soon. I’m not going to expect too much either – I don’t want to consider yet that pretty little future others see so easily. Settle it down, and see what comes of it.

Say your piece...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.