I spent an extra hour in bed this morning reading. This came after a night when I slept for nearly 9 hours. I eventually got into work a little after nine, an hour later than normal. I still feel weary, but better than this time yesterday.
I did some figuring last night. I reckon since Christmas day I’ve worked every day bar maybe a couple – that includes public holidays as well as weekends, and the days of annual leave I took off. On those days it may only be a couple of hours’ worth spread over the course of a day, but then you factor in that pretty well every night for the last couple of weeks I get home and do more work to align myself with the folk in India. Last night it came to a head.
Yesterday the piece of work I’d scheduled to spend a good 5-6 weeks on reviewing, discussing, editing, and reviewing again, was crammed into an afternoon because it was announced it had to be submitted by that night.
I was quietly seething. My plans had been disrupted because all this time I’ve been waiting to get the information I needed, originally due on November 30. I got them yesterday morning, followed by the conversation that it all had to be submitted that night, meaning all the careful review and editing and discussion was impossible. Instead there was a helter-skelter afternoon quickly going through the document.
Last night I got home and I was bone tired. It was like I’d been wrung out. All I wanted to was collapse and stop thinking. But then I knew I had work to do. There was stuff with India to sort out, but before that I had to finish the last section before sending it on to my manager. I spent an hour on that, another ninety minutes with India, then in bed by 10, much earlier than normal.
Today, I discover, it didn’t need to be submitted last night after all, and hasn’t been.
I’m pretty ticked off. I set myself high standards, and though I may grizzle commit completely to the work I do. This shambles means that I’m putting my name to something I know is much less than it could be – because others didn’t show equal commitment. Despite all this I’ve raced around and taken it home to work on to ensure it’s as good as it can be – only to be advised I didn’t need to do that.
This place takes a lot for granted.
I don’t mind putting in the hard work. When you’ve got a level of responsibility it goes with the territory. There’s two problems with that, however. For a start I’m on not nearly the salary that would justify putting in so much of my own time and effort – except I’m a committed individual and so I do. The other problem is that they exploit that commitment. They know I’ll bend over backwards, and think no more of it. That’s just not right.
I’ve asked for support, particularly with the chatbot project, so I can take a step back occasionally. They just shrug their shoulders and do nothing – never mind that if I get hit by a bus tomorrow they’ll be in desperate trouble. And so, without anyone else to help or with the required knowledge it’s left to me on my days off, my nights after work, to manage and coordinate with the vendors in India to make sure everything runs smoothly.
All this has worn me down. I’ve been sleeping erratically since Christmas. I’m normally a solid 7.5 hours a night. Through this period I’ve varied between 6.5 and 9 hours nightly, like a compass lost its bearing. No matter how long I sleep it’s of poor quality, up to last night. None of that is helped by the hot weather we’ve been experiencing.
I’m feeling disillusioned. I know not to trust these place, but I feel totally used. They don’t deserve this effort from me.
I have to get out of this job, if not somewhere else altogether, then some other part of the business. I’m talking to someone later in the week about a potential role – the vendor, as it happens. And there may be a role upstairs otherwise. I’ve had it with the people here, though.